


If History Speaks

by dollarmenu (zachoek)



Category: Chasing Amy (1995)
Genre: Apologies, Canon Gay Character, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F Slur is said once, Post-Canon, Pre-Relationship, Years Later
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-28
Updated: 2020-07-28
Packaged: 2021-03-06 05:41:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,370
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25568416
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zachoek/pseuds/dollarmenu
Summary: "So can we be friends, sweetly?Before the mystery ends?I love you more than the world can contain,in its lonely and ramshackle head."Holden is drawn to a convention with the intentions of asking Banky something important. Set 3 years after the events of 'Chasing Amy'.
Relationships: Banky Edwards/Holden McNeil
Kudos: 7





	If History Speaks

Boston Comicon, 1999. 

  
Holden McNeil had no reason to be here, he hadn't been invited, he hadn't done anything notable in a couple years. For the following 3 years since the big blowout, he had been living off Bluntman & Chronic royalties, he was living quite comfortably. 

Besides the occasional stops, the commonplace "Hey you're Holden McNeil!", brief conversations of "what he's up to now" and "why they stopped". It was far too complicated to give to a stranger and far too personal. He was here to forget all that anyways.

Mostly. 

He couldn't deny he had been subtly hovering Banky's booth. Trying not to lose track of it in the crowds by staying in that general area. He didn't know why he was there, something had drawn him. He felt as if he wanted- well NEEDED to talk to him. A gesture from their last interaction hadn't been enough. Something felt empty inside of him for years. 

It's not very easy to leave your old best friend on a thumbs-up and a smile.   
The line at his booth was long, he could swear the thing could span around the entirety of Texas. Banky was exetremely successful, even more so than he was during their Bluntman & Chronic days. His new comic was a hit, he showed he was as capable as a writer and artist on his own. Not just some tracer as everyone said...and the people were absolutely eating it up. He'd become a household name in independent comics- and Holden couldn't be any prouder. They'd talked before of solo projects, but their comic had taken up so much time, they couldn't get anything else started, let alone finished. 

Holden doubted he was going to get in that line, he didn't have the nerves to anyways. Probably would have bailed if he even got half-way there. A part of him was hoping Banky would somehow see him, drop what he's doing to come to see him, but with how busy he was it definitely wasn't going to happen anytime soon. With that amount of people in front of him? No way. Best chance was gathering the balls to just waltz on up to the booth, somehow avoiding getting his ass kicked by what seemed like a quarter of the population.   
And after hours of wandering aimlessly, that's exactly what he did. 

For the next few seconds he just stood there, hands on the table, dirty looks galore seething through him. Until Banky looked over.

"Okay bud, you have to get in line with-" His face contorted in such a way, as if he was seeing someone who died.

"Holden? Holden...Holden fucking McNeil?" 

"I don't think that's my middle name but, sure yeah. In the flesh." Holden smiled. 

"Fuck- hold on." Banky pulled out a sign (BACK IN AN HOUR). The chorus of groans nearly filled the convention center. Banky pulled a rope blocked off the right side of the table, removing himself from the booth. He began walking, beckoning Holden to right outside the convention center.

"C'mon, I can't hear for shit in here. This place is giving me tinnitus." 

Entering the outside, Banky was quiet, he sat down on a bench and Holden followed suit. 

Banky didn't meet face to face with him, just stared off. 

"So tell me Holden, what brings you here? I know you hadn't been invited." Banky spoke bluntly.

"Can't a guy have a bit of fun? I still like these places you know." 

"If your idea of fun is gravitating around a singular spot all day, I think you have fucking brain worms."

Holden became embarassed.

"You noticed? Didn't say a damn word to me too?"

"I couldn't just leave, I figured you'd get your ass over here sooner or later. I guess you were waiting for you balls to drop." Banky chuckled. Holden felt at home hearing his laughter, it'd been too long. 

"Something drew me here today, to say. I needed to talk to you."

Holden arched his back, resting his arms on his knees, looking directly at Banky. Banky still looked away.

"Good terms isn't a gesture and years of no contact, you know. We used to be best friends."

"Keyword 'used' Holden. Until you got me tangled into your web of bullshit. Screwed with my head."

"Played with your feelings." Holden sighed.

"To put it bluntly, I guess you did. It may have taken long for me to fucking admit it but, all you had pieced together had been true. Good job, McGruff." 

Banky put his hands on his face, sliding them down. 

"Listen, I didn't expect my day to go like this. Somehow this manages to be more annoying as the people who have approached me today-and I've met over 100. If you want to talk, talk and go, Holden. Not to sound like a fag out loud, but this is really really fucking with my heart for you to even be here right now."

"How so? Explain this to me Banky. Explain to me why I should go." Holden was annoyed. He couldn't be here? He was obviously over it! He's living the damn dream. 

"Holden," Banky finally stared him in the eyes. Holden suddenly realized why he hadn't been before. Banky was starting cry. "I don't know how to put this without making shit awkward. But, I don't know if you realize how long it takes for someone to get over the only person they ever truly loved fucking them up as much as you did. I don't know how you feel now, but I can safely say as much as you hurt me, as much as you tore me the fuck apart, I STILL feel the same. I still love you and I've been struggling to figure out why I can't just-just FUCKING DROP IT."

His tears began to stream down rapidly, Holden felt his heart break in real time. He was speechless, he wanted to find the words to say.

"Don't say anything, not that I expect you to. You were never great at making shit better." Banky seemed to laugh at his own statement despite his tears. His frown came back around after.

"I know that." Holden sighed, a bit of a chuckle in his voice.

Holden closed his eyes. Putting his hands over his face. He could feel Banky cross his arms, could hear his rapid breathing as he tried to calm himself down. 

He tried to think of what he could possibly do, what he was even here to say. 

Well. He knew what he wanted to say. It just wasn't the right time, he didn't expect it to go this way.

"I shouldn't-" Banky pauses. "I shouldn't be apologizing but I'm fucking sorry for crying like a baby here. I dropped a lot of shit on you, but I can't say you didn't need to hear it."

"Banky."

He pulled his hands off his face, opened his eyes. Banky stared at him.

"This isn't easy for me to ask. I don't expect you to accept this."

"Spit it out."

"Banky." He grabs Banky's hands, Banky looks surprised. "Can we...can we start over? Everything, I want to fix this Banky. I missed you, I think I really really fucked up. A day couldn't pass without me missing you. You're not a hard person to drop, y'know."

Banky started to tear up again.

"Goddamn it, Holden," he gripped Holden's hands. "I shouldn't accept this, this is fucking stupid but...shit."

He lifts one of his hands to wipe his own eyes. 

"I...I want to start over. It might be a stupid fucking decision but, I want to try. I miss you too, I didn't want to admit it to myself that I did." Banky smiled a little.

"So, from the top then?"

Banky nodded. Holden smiled. 

"Dawn of a new 'Bank Holdup' era, eh?" Holden joked. Banky laughed. 

"Hell no, that's dead and buried." They both laughed. 

"Well, I won't hold you up any longer, Banky." Holden let go of his hands and stood up, putting his hands in his jacket pocket. "So...dinner somewhere tonight? A bit of a catchup is needed."

"Sure thing, but you're fuckin' paying."


End file.
